I have made a most relaxing discovery.
There come times in our tumultuous journeys where a ray of light will shine down and suddenly what before had seemed so murky and confusing now is as clear as a mountain spring of water rushing down across the stones and splashing refreshingly on our faces. Our eyes widen in delight and we realize, once again, that life’s choices are not the odious heavy burdens we believe they are.
I must say first that I am aware that some choices are difficult, some are so very big and overwhelming. What I dare to share from my walk is to meant to give freedom. I long to share with you, love, so that you can rest more and see that you are more than enough for any decision you must face. He has equipped and gifted you with all that you may need to face that which is in your path. Delight in knowing you are enough.
My husband and I have been wrestling with questions for years now. They are the kinds of decisions that leave you at your crossroads for years. They can make areas that are flourishing feel stuck and claustrophobic. Where you don’t feel like you can keep going or growing until these things are resolved. The problem is you just don’t know what you want. You’ve prayed, you’ve fasted, you’ve begged. You long for God to just make up His mind and tell you want to do, because obedience is easier that self-discovery. He persists in silence, though, because of love. He loves to give us freedom and choice. He loves to sit back and let us move, breath, flow and worship. He loves to use what we do for His glory and not have minions that just obey.
I prefer obedience.
Well, that is until I relinquish control. It’s funny how begging to just obey is actually my way of controlling the process. He wants to set me free to learn and run and BE and I just want to step into line and know what is expected of me, do it, and keep pressing on. No life, no love, and certainly no joy. God is good, as always, and gently pries my fingers off my world and He throws it into the blue sky watching it fly high and free.
It was in this moment that He showed me the truth I so desperately need to share:
100% Happiness does not indicate the right decision.
I have been standing here for so long waiting for the right feelings to accompany my chosen path. I wanted to walk in confidence that I had made the right choice. The guarantee of happiness and contentment had to exist before I could press forward.
Unfortunately this is not so.
There is a lie the world feeds us: No Regrets. YOLO. Live loud, live free, and never look back.
Of course there are useful things buried in these basic, overly tattooed clichés. You should have freedom and abandonment when you run towards life. But it’s too basic. It forgets that life is heavy with real choices and people who don’t live in a Spring Break vacation-like Instagram photo. These are moments we live, not mottoes we live from.
I realized that no matter the path that I chose to walk on I would, indeed, be at least 10% disappointed, sad, or regretful. Not in the “grass in always greener” sense, but more that I was missing out on a variety of experiences by walking that way.
There will always be a what if; a scenic route that I didn’t take and the experience that would have gone along with it.
And that’s okay.
I’m okay with being a little sad for a time. Grieving even, for a period of time so that you can move on fully with eyes straight forward and hope in your heart.
We’ve made our choices now and we can start to stroll slowly again together. We aren’t looking over our shoulders or glancing to the side paths around us. We may wipe a tear or two from our cheeks, but the joy set before us is greater than the maybes, could haves, and what ifs.
Take a pause and look around. Are you stuck because you can’t take your eyes off the signs that point in too many directions? Find the good and the joy. Choose to start walking and give yourself grace enough to cry a little, even as you dream of the place to come.